Writing w/Your Reader In Mind

What exactly do I mean, you ask? I mean write a book you want to read. One that you can follow easily but it will still keep you wondering what's going to come next. One that will keep you on the edge of your seat wondering if s/he really will kiss her/him or whip out a knife yelling - SURPRISE! I'm the bad guy! One where - if you're into that sorta thing - the frigid and hulking vampire actually has a softer/secret side and knits little bunny mittens for underprivileged inner-city children.

Okay, maybe I took that a bit too far. My apologies.

But never one where you're reading one sentence and the very next one has nada to do with the previous. As the author, we know everything that happens in our books; we know that nothing is said errantly, everything means something in the end. BUT our readers do not. We can't have them playing too much of a guessing game during their reading or else their attentions will stray. Instead of reading, they'll stop and wonder what we mean or make up explanations of their own in their mind. And as writers, I feel it is our responsibility that any leaps in logic our readers have to make are just and not big enough to fit inside the grand canyon.

Thankfully, there's a somewhat easy fix.

Read. 'Tis all. Read lots and lots of books. Read great books. See how the words flow, observe how the author segues into different chapters. See what their grammar looks like and take note of their writing style. Read bad books so you know what doesn't work. So you know what you don't want your book to sound like.

Writing is not a sprint. It's a marathon. And how many times have I told you that you can't run a marathon without putting a couple band-aids on your nipples?*

Sorry, I was watching Horrible Bosses earlier. Kevin Spacey rocks. And Jason Bateman is one of the handsomest men I've seen in a good while.

Moral of the story: Take it slow. Your novel will not decrease in awesomeness or value if you spend more time to "perfect" it. Do your research, get to know your characters inside and out and TRUST in your own creative voice. That is the most important, I believe. You could write one of the most amazing and insightful books ever but it means nothing if you don't believe in it.

*Quote copyright to their respective owners. No copyright infringement intended.

Desolate City by Raquel Jones

**SPOILERS AHOY!**

**2 Stars**

I'll start off by saying that this book is a grammatical mess. There are gaps in the plot, one dimensional characters, words being used in the wrong context, typos and just - it was too much for a 238 page book.

I wanted to like this book soooo much. But sadly, I didn't like it very much at all. This book started off promising. High school setting, the characters seemed interesting enough, albeit I was only about five pages in. But it didn't stay that way.

Albertos isn't in the USA but Jones never mentions where exactly it is. Whether it's even on Earth or in this universe. It's just kind of there. Which is a no-no. It's necessary for world-building. Especially when you have elements in your book that are Supernatural. That should have been hashed out. Before this was published.

Instead of calling supernatural creatures supernatural creatures, Jones calls them Haydens. I don't understand it. I think it's a really cute effort to be different but it was kinda just...yeah. Calling them Haydens didn't and doesn't make much of a difference because a few characters refer to Haydens as supernatural beings anyway.

There is a fine line between babying your readers and expecting them to be able to read your mind. Which is ANOTHER topic all together. That being said, I don't feel like this book was written with the reader in mind. In the first few chapters the writing takes leaps in logic that the reader is supposed to be able to follow but it doesn't get explained until ten or so pages later. Which was a turn off.

Seiren - which I've been pronouncing like Siren. Pardon me if I'm wrong. - is the MC/Protagonist. She doesn't have much of a voice to me. She just felt like she was there. I didn't get a sense for who she was so much as what she does. She apparently likes to run, scale buildings, work in bars with these creatures she supposedly hates, work at hot dog stands and a few other places just so she can afford her crappy apartment with her sperm donor. But there wasn't much character development at all. For any of the characters. We get a bunch of tell but not nearly enough show. I think Jones intended for Seiren to be a strong, independent sort of MC but I didn't get any of that. It felt like she spent a great deal of the book trying to convince us that Seiren is strong and fearless but in reality, that just didn't come across in the writing.

Seiren is supposed to be 17, a student in high school and we're supposed to believe she can hold down three jobs - enough to pay the bills single-handedly - scale buildings in her free time and maintain her school life.

No. I do not accept that.

With her leaping tall buildings, climbing walls, and being able to run faster than "normal humans", she should have known she was something more. Like a Hayden. I would've expected her to be suspicious of it, especially since she knew nothing of her mother but no. It went right over her head.

Luann, Julius, Echo, Tracie, Cece, Vinul, Kilik, Don, Ereshkigal - I'm pretty sure there were more characters introduced after I stopped reading - There were just entirely too many things going on for such a short book yet not much of what was happening did anything to push the plot along. The plot is a bit thin to begin with, anyway but still. I felt the beginnings of some romance between Echo and Seiren but nothing that made me feel it was genuine between them two. Like, the author added it in as an afterthought.

Ereshkigal is a group of Haydens that no one likes. Just because. No real reason, no one knows their origins, no one knows much of anything but everyone knows that no one gets along with them.

What?

These characters go here, they go there, get a bit of info from so-and-so, Seiren chants "Show no fear" to herself about thirty times, passes out more than any MC I've ever read about and throughout it all, not much of anything was really happening. There were A LOT of unnecessary filler-like events going on throughout the entire book, a lot of things being mentioned that had no impact on the plot and some anti-climactic fight/action scenes. I read up until about 64% and still didn't get a clear sense of what the big-bad was. I could probably guess but I didn't feel inspired to keep reading to find out.

All in all, I don't know if I'd recommend this book to many people because it reads like a rough draft; like the author needs to have some drinks with her girlfriends, hand out copies of the MS and discuss that they did and didn't like and what needs to change/be refined. It's a great first shot, but it's kind of all over the map. And not necessarily in a good way, either. Also, the name of the book is "Desolate City". Nothing in this book - that I've read - even suggests that any part of any city is desolate. Maybe I have to read to the end to understand....*Shrugs*

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